J.R. Ubu, Esq.

Dear Friends,

As legal counsel for the RADIO HOOLIGANS, I would like to take this opportunity to disavow any responsibility for their actions, past, present, or (heaven forbid) future.

I have begged and begged Hank and Joe until blue in the face, "Stop mocking our nation's leaders and corporate movers and shakers!". I try to talk some sense into them by pointing out that if they played their cards right, there is some serious cash to be made by snuggling up to the right congressman, senator, or multinational corporation. After all, this is how the Spice Girls operate, and look at how those tarts are fixed up now. But, no. Henry and Joe will have none of it. Most of the time they act like stubborn yokels.

The other day I had a deal all set up for a series of big kickbacks from Milltown Brewing Co. if the Hooligans would only mention something like "Drink lots of Milltown beer every day" during their comedy bits. Instead of jumping at the chance to rake in some quick bucks, they replied with an obscene note whose filthy contents I will not dignify by reprinting here.

It all goes to show: you can lead a Hooligan to a vat of beer, but you can't make him drink. Phooey on them, I say. There are still people out there who recognize an opportunity for exploitation when they see it. I just have to find them.

In the meantime, I'm going to go buy a dozen Boston Cream Pies and eat every one of them myself. I'll report back again soon.

Until then, I remain, dutifully, your faithful,


J. R. Ubu, Esquire